Soul Equals truly value each other as equals and share an intention and dedication to the wellbeing and growth of themselves and the relationship. There is a strong mutual desire to keep healing and moving things forward. This happens through a daily practice of honest communication, self-reflection, and a high level of personal accountability.
When the sh*t hits the fan, Soul Equals do not run, hide or blame—instead, they pause, reflect and talk.
And it flourishes well because of the wide-open space that’s created for safety and security. The ego may tempt, but rarely does it win.
Alternatively, when two people are not Soul Equals, if they are not aligned in many important and key self-development areas, the mismatched tennis game unfolds.
This will often show up when we begin a relationship because there is a strong physical attraction and perhaps not a heck of a lot more. Biochemical reactions take over and we ignore {or typically don’t even see} the half dozen or so red flags indicating the mismatch.
The partner in the subordinate role will typically begin acting out of the fear of being left. They will abandon themselves and their needs and operate from the wounded ego; repeatedly giving in, hiding in the shadow of their partner, not voicing their truth, doing anything they need to do to hang on, remain “in the game” and try to win love and approval.
They may also take the opposite approach {with similar results} and repeatedly test their partner’s staying power by acting out and self-sabotaging anything positive.
The partner in the dominant role will fairly quickly become bored and frustrated by the inability to evolve and be challenged. Things will turn stagnant, the relationship will suffer a loss of respect, the connection will erode, resentments will build, and passion will wane, eventually grinding to a halt.
Intimacy cannot thrive in a union of misaligned souls.
So just how do we spot a Soul Equal?
Initially it’s really no different than any other way we look for a mate; attraction and compelling chemistry hopefully start us off. Then we need to chase that with a healthy dose of reality in realizing and accepting the intoxicating chemical effects of the honeymoon phase. Many of us get so sucked in and swept away by the early “high” that we lose our ability to be objective.
In order to evaluate if someone is a possible Soul Equal we need to take a deeper look and become investigative detectives looking for clues and evidence of a kindred spirit on the path—this is highly advisable before we run off to Vegas.
As we get to know someone there are definite things to look out for including: a person’s willingness and desire to take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions, their commitment to personal growth (what actions do they in fact take), how well they handle feedback and/or conflict, a fairly well developed (or developing) sense of self, an openness to share and express thoughts and feelings, and a wish to create an outstanding relationship.
Some of these things might reveal themselves fairly quickly but it’s more likely that it will take some time before we will see our new love interests “more authentic side.” For that reason it’s imperative to keep things light and unattached in the beginning. We should keep communicating, stay intensely curious and try our best to leave our expectations and assumptions out of the mix.
We don’t need to be at equal points along every spot of our spiritual path; in fact, it keeps things more interesting when we’re not and helps facilitate greater learning opportunities. It’s really more about the desire and commitment to invest the time and do the work.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/12/there-is-something-better-than-finding-a-soulmate/
