Again.

I cannot help how I love. Strong. All-consuming. Passionate. But within that I cannot forget to keep loving myself. I cannot afford to lose all that is me to the enormity of feeling I have for you. I cannot spend every thought on you and every hour around you. For it is only within solitude that my own Soul is nourished and replenished. I can love you but most importantly I have to keep loving myself above it all. I have to remember who I am and retain the process of self-discovery. I have to keep building my life around my Soul and not around you or around working out. I have to accept my limitations - I cannot be a weightlifter anymore. It's over. My knee is still recovering. It kills my back. I don't need to win competitions to be happy. I can still lift weights, I can squat, I can deadlift, I can bench, I can body build. I will still look good, I will still be in shape. I can do something different and swim. I want to get up in the morning and be able to move without feeling like I am 80 years old. Even if I could weightlift and I got to nationals and did really well - what's the point? Glory is fleeting. It's ego-based. It's deceptive. It's what everyone else thinks will make them happy. Why do you think there is so many competitions? People need to feed their addiction. It's funny because I am made to think that my coffee addiction is so bad - but everyone is addicted to something. I would much rather just exist within contentment and do what makes me happy rather than trying to claw my way towards the never-ending thirst for approval and first places. Please keep your five dollar medals. I have a much richer path to follow.