When in the hell did the world become so self-centered and narcissistic? Most people are just all about the I. It's how I feel, what I did, what I need from you. Fucking self-absorption like a goddamn sponge. Maybe it's the age of people that surround me...am I just on a whole other maturity level? Or am I just from another fucking planet all together?
Sometimes I feel like my awareness and penchant for others is a fucking nightmare. It's not that I am a doormat by any means...I certainly take care of myself and what I need. It's just always sensing how others feel and empathizing even if they don't know I can feel them. It's automatically knowing what to do for them...it takes a lot of energy even when I don't want it to. It's being born under the "ear" nashaktra; tt's the art of true, empathic listening with which I was born. Really zoning in and hearing the underlying currents of emotion, reason, and ideas that someone tells me. It's tiring, it really is. And then when I try to talk back or to anyone that is, I could talk to a wall and get the same response. Am I that transparent? Does my innate ability to truly hear people just attract all the self-involved of the world? Do they sense me and seek me out in some unconscious way because they know I will be there for them? Sometimes all I want is to be fucking listened to the way I listen to everyone else. It's that expectation I suppose that is my ultimate downfall - it's the double edge of my greatest gift. No one else can. I have two options - accept it or get more frustrated and pissed off. I only have control over myself. So who listens to the great listener.....
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