What is love I ask? I used to think it was a feeling...then it became more of the actions you do for someone...I've analyzed the crap out it over all these years. Is it still wrapped up in a subconscious fairy tale? And what with the personal obsession? I still think deep down on a soul level I have this insane story created that once I find True Love then I will finally feel okay and truly happy. Like I will fit in with the world and what everyone else is doing, like my life will have more meaning. It's merely the story that has permeated our world since...forever. I don't like this though - this fairy tale. It doesn't fit with reality, with the fact that we have no control over our futures and we cannot try and control them. We can't control others, only ourselves and our own thoughts and feelings. Life is imperfect, it's ever-changing and incomplete. How can we live up to the story in our heads and hearts? Love as a feeling - but our feelings are in a constant stage of inconsistency and change. Much of our emotions stem from our brain's mindless chatter...the Ego at work. Dredging up what we know from the past, the familiar, the history. I have this huge idea that the One should be able to understand me on all levels. But I don't fully understand myself...will I ever? Isn't that a lifelong journey? We think all these different qualities and expectations that we have built up should be upheld by ONE person. A soul mate, a twin flame, a true love. A million different needs, wants, and desires in one person...forever. I have this love story in my head about connecting with someone on the deepest possible human levels - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. Is that even possible? What does that even look like? I don't even know how deep I am in touch with myself in those aspects of life. I may have conquered some levels but an ocean still exists...isn't that what our entire lives are for?
I think I need to re-frame the existence of love. It's not the chemical reaction we can have with a person, that "spark", that crazy fuse of infatuation and lust. It's not the replaying of my subconscious story on how it "should" be or how it "should" feel. I really do see that it takes time to form - it's experiencing someone for who they truly are - the dropped facade of who they appear to be so they can "reel" you in. It's an exchange of ideas and experiences with someone else. It's being an observer of another human without any expectations, without any picture replaying in your mind. It's letting someone be exactly who they are without the chains of who you want them to be. It's not "needing" someone but wanting to create something together. It's not trying to "get" anything from them - attention, affection, love, money, approval, sex, advice....it's the natural process of sharing life both together and separate. It's the state of being yourselves together and seeing a different world view. It's not a fleeting feeling but a cultivated freedom that you create with another person. It may or may not last forever and maybe it will happen with more than one person - but it helps you evolve and learn and grow.
Eradicate the picture of how you think it should be, of how you were "taught" it to be, of how you "want" it to be.
Love is true freedom.
No comments:
Post a Comment