The octopus of the mind

Depression is an interesting phenomenon. I look at my life and it's really a great life. I am very lucky for who I am, what I can do, and what I have. I know that on an empirical level. The thing about having a depressive moment is that it clouds your realistic judgement. Some outside event triggers a moment from the past or one negative thought which then brings about the same old cognitive distortions that always haunt me. Mental filter, jumping to conclusions, mind-reading, personalizing and all-or-nothing thinking. I think the most common one is the "mind-reading." So from one thought, a million others spiral out like the tentacles of an octopus. They keep churning and expanding in size until they are a full-blown universe of negativity. This in turn creates the feelings of sadness, anger and loneliness...I don't understand myself and therefore no one else can. I isolate myself. Most of the time I can stop the process by re-framing the situation; looking at the rational reality behind it all. Sometimes though I get so washed away by the rapidity of the process and then cast out in the waves of negativity feeling like I will drown. It is within those moments that the emotions are overwhelming and I just don't know what to do. I blame the person who said the triggering statement or I blame the world and then I blame myself for not being able to just get over it. Funny thing is, I am the creator of this "catastrophe" and I am the only one who can bring myself out of it. Sometimes it's just such an automatic response...I think that's what frustrates me. So I am seeking solutions...maybe I just need to do the CBT as soon as it happens. I think I need to keep writing in my gratitude journal EVERY day. For some people it's so easy to pick out what's wrong with life instead of what's right. I am not a pessimist but I do have a lot of Virgo in me..lol. I think the key to battle against the distortions of the mind is through being grateful. There is always something to be grateful for in your life. Even going through this process is a sign of one's humanity, one's fragility. The ability to be true to one's self but know that the cause of one's suffering is not because of the external world...it's how we CHOOSE to think about it and let it effect us. I am grateful for my ability of introspection and my analytic mind. There is a gift in all this when I can use it in a positive way. I am who I am, I have struggles, I am not perfect...I am a work in progress.